Uh, Oh. With too much time on his hands Sharkman has decided to bring you another JD fuelled inspiration. Sharkman has decided to bring you THE definitive guide to Drag Racing Terminology. All the Terms and Phrases that you might have heard in the pits or over the PA at the track, but weren't quite sure what they meant and were to proud to ask will be explained for you here!
If there is a term or phrase that I haven't covered off yet that you desperately need an explanation for, just Email Me mad I'll see what I can do.

Term: Alcohol
Meaning: Something that 90% of Racers/Pit Crew seem to run on when racing finishes. Occasionally mad people have been known to run their race vehicle on it as well!

Term: All Run
Meaning: a) What everybody does when it starts "Raining"
b) A type of qualifying where everybody qualifies. Don't get me started on this one.

Term: Altered
Meaning: The technical term for what happens to the state of mind of the above racers/crew when Alcohol is imbibed. Also a description of a type of race car*.
*Fuel altereds forever!!!

Term: Blinky Blinky Lights (© "God", 2000)
Meaning: When the three amber lights on the "christmas tree" come on in sequence

Term: Blower / Supercharger
Meaning: Sharkmans own personal favourite method of producing stupid amounts of horsepower. Combine with "Doorslammer" to reach drag racing Nirvana.

Term: Blown
Meaning: a) Slang for saying "that car has a supercharger" (That car is blown).
b) Every male hopes to leave the race track saying that it happened to them!

Term: Breakout
Meaning: a) Racing has finished for the day and its time to Breakout the beer. Can be used earlier than usual if combined with "Rain".
b) A silly way to lose a bracket race, "I was ahead by 200 feet but I broke out".

Term: Bump Spot
Meaning: a) The part of you that hurts in the morning after you fell on it the night before after consuming too much "fuel"
b) The time required to actually make it into eliminations. Sadly very rare due to "all run" fields

Term: Bunny Ears
Meaning: Simply the best term for describing header flames I have ever heard. © Amanda Everrett

Term: Bye Run
Meaning: a)When a racer runs without competition in the other lane. Normally as a result of "All Run" Fields.
b) A desperation trip to the local supermarket as the beer supply is running out too quickly

Term: Burnout
Meaning: What happens when you try and light a bar-b-que using 1/2 a gallon of C16 racing fuel. Also a method of warming and cleaning the tyres before a race, but more importantly showing off to assembled family/friends/press photographers before a race.

Term: Cherry Picking
Meaning: a) See "Red Light"
b) Cruising the pits nicking the best bits of food from other people's bar-b-ques.

Term: Christmas Tree
Meaning: Allegedly the method of starting a race, but really its just a big fat tempting target isn't it? C'mon racers, who hasn't secretly harboured dreams of running that damn thing over????

Term: Competition Eliminator
Meaning: The art of taking something very simple (First one to the finish line wins) and making it ridiculously complicated. Originated in America.

Term: Doorslammer
Meaning: a) Bad Tempered Racer that loses then slams his/her car door when they get out at the far end.
b) Car with fairly stock wheelbase, full bodywork and working doors. Combine with "Blower" for drag racing Nirvana.

Term: Dropping the Laundry
Meaning: a) Slang for pulling the parachutes at the end of the run.
b) Something that occasionally happens late at night after consuming too much "Fuel". The Laundry involved in this case is normally trousers.

Term: Eliminations
Meaning: a) What happens on race day
b) What happens in the pits when a group start drinking. The lesser drinkers are "eliminated" earlier in the evening.

Term: Flopper
Meaning: The correct name for a Funny car. Also what can happen to males after consuming too much "Fuel"

Term: Frankenformer
Meaning: A unique piece of equipment constructed by the Santa Pod Tech crew.

Term: Fuel
Meaning: Jack Daniels/Lager/Nitro. 2 go in people, one goes in race cars, but its all fuel.

Term: Fuel Altered
Meaning: Like a "Pro Mod", only better. Sadly a very rare breed.

Term: God
Meaning: Jon Webster.

Term: Gregory, Barrie
Meaning: Undoubted king of the "Beer Down".

Term: Headers
Meaning: a) Racing Exhaust system
b) Slang used on the spectator banking to express delight over the female body, as in "she's got a great set of headers, that bird there in the bikini top"

Term: Heads Up
Meaning: The best type of racing to watch.
Can also be used to draw someone's attention to something: "heads up, we've got a great set off headers coming up the bank on the left"

Term: Holeshot
Meaning: The art of leaving before an opponent. This only applies during a race. Going out in round one and leaving the track does not constitute getting a holeshot on the traffic. Racers on the receiving end of too many holeshots can expect serious piss taking from their crew and in extreme circumstances may find alarm clocks strapped to the dashboard of their race vehicle.

Term: IHRA
Meaning: Home of most of the best classes of racing in the US, before the NHRA "discovers" them (ala Pro Mod)

Term: Jungle Pam
Meaning: The art of backing up a race car from the burnout was always better performed by a tall, well stacked female in heels, bikini top and short shorts than it was by a fat bloke with a radio.

Term: Lorne
Meaning: Look, words fail me here, Lorne is somebody you have to experience. A top Bloke.

Term: Maltese 60 foot
Meaning: A check out pass that the driver keeps the power on for much longer than planned. Named afetr John Ellul when he first made the trip from Malta with his TMD. His first 60 foot check out pass went to about 1000 feet....

Term: Marrs, Andy
Meaning: All round good guy, member of Sharkmans photographic School of Excellence and holder of the title "man most likely to clear out race control"*.
* Shared with pilot of Fireforce 2, Martin Hill.

Term: NHRA
Meaning: Primary American sanctioning body which brought you such delights as Pro Stock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, oops, sorry dozed off there, meant to say Pro Stock truck. No truth in the rumour that NHRA stands for No Hotrod Racing Allowed.

Term: Nitro
Meaning: a) Stick your fingers in your ears and prepare to be gobsmacked
b) See "Oildown".

Term: Nostalgia
Meaning: In the US this means 5 second front engined top fuel cars, 6 second fuel altereds and 7 second blown doorslammers. In the UK it doesn't.

Term: Oildown
Meaning: a) Some poor sod has just spent a lot of money they probably didn't have by inadvertently destroying a motor and chucking oil / fluid all over the track in the process.
b)Somebodies pit crew forgot to tighten up something and consequently the runny black stuff got from inside the engine (good) to onto the race track (bad).
In either of the above cases, it translates into spectator language as "time for a pizza/beer/trip to the loo/oh god, not the stunt rider AGAIN*
*Delete as appropriate.

Term: Pizza Down
Meaning: As above but infinitely more serious as it involves the dropping of Pizza onto tarmac/clothing/racecar/laptop, thus rendering the pizza inedible. Thankfully generally only happens after racing has finished and so doesn't hold up racing as such. Anyone performing a pizza down can expect to a) go hungry and b) Have the piss taken out of them mercilessly for the rest of the evening.

Term: Beer Down
Meaning: As above but infinitely more serious again as it involves the spilling of alcohol onto tarmac/clothing/racecar/laptop, thus rendering the alcohol WASTED. Thankfully generally only happens after racing has finished and so doesn't hold up racing as such. Anyone performing a beer down can expect to a) have to find more beer immediately and b) Have the piss taken out of them mercilessly for the rest of the evening.

Term: Photography
Meaning: How the hell do you expect me to know anything about this???????

Term: Pro Mod
Meaning:A sadly rare species of car in the UK at the moment. "blower"+"doorslammer" = Pro Mod. Race Fan Heaven.

Term: Qualifying
Meaning: Sadly rendered almost obsolete as just about everything other than Pro Stock bike, Funny Bike and Super Street bike is all run fields. No more "Bump Spots" on the score boards. Sob.

Term: Rain
Meaning: Bugger, no racing til it stops. If commentators are heard to observe that its "brightening up" abandon all hope and proceed to "Breakout a)".

Term: Reaction time
Meaning: Time between finishing one beer and opening another.

Term: Red Light
Meaning: For racers, this means D'OH!

Term: Sharkman
Meaning: High Quality Photographer that should be rewarded with free beer/pizza/jack daniels/women at every opportunity (What the hell, its worth a try!!!!!!)

Term: Slick
Meaning: A type of tyre commonly used in racing. Also a "Beer Down" can result in a "slick" surface.

Term: Staging Lanes
Meaning: Where Racers assemble prior to a race. Often a good place to have a sleep in the race car if "Rain" occurs and too much "Fuel" was consumed the night before.

Term: Stock
Meaning: As in get plenty of beers/pizza in "stock" for after qualifying finishes. Might also be applied to a race car or bike whose silhouette resembles its road going counter part.

Term: Tog
Meaning:a) pretty-average-actually photographer and renowned employer of unnecessarily long words
b) My best mate, my Eurodragster partner in crime and a complete Pizza monster!

Term: Top End
Meaning: Somewhere to send Sharkman to keep him out of everybody's hair until racing finishes.

Term: Two Strokes
Meaning: Pass the ear plugs, quickly!

Term: Wheelie Bars
Meaning: Device to stop cars/bikes pulling too much of a wheelie. A vital component for racers but a necessary evil for spectators.

Term: Wheels Up
Meaning: The only way for a "doorslammer" to leave the start line. The higher the wheels are up the better. Watch Al "Reach for the Sky" Golding for a good example of "Wheels up".